A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.
that’s a goddamned power move
I found a body in the woods and reported it to the police, only to find the same man alive and well in those same woods later. I tell him, “They found your body!” and he laughs. “No they haven’t,” he says. Then he pats a big bag hanging from a tree. “It’s right in here!”
Tumblr’s new thing of not including the op’s url when something’s reblogged directly from the source is going to one day give me a heart attack
there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face
Chaotic Neutral
